honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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