I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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