i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
