Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
