I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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