she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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