You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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