dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
