He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
