thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
