I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
