booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
