My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize