I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she told me i tasted like america
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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