They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
