How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
