She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
smell my finger.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
