I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
