You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
