she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
