3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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