trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
