12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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