just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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