I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
