This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize