Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
