Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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