five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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