there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
