If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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