Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
