I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
