How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
