There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
