Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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