Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
