too bad you live with your parents still
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
