Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
