You really coming over, don't trick.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
