please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
