i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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