forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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