i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
