I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
