we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
