took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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