It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
