she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
