I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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