I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend