Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas