Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
a victory without nudity is not really a victory