she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?