I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today