Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?