I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
