STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
