My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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