i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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