1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
