I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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