I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
