I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
