So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
