the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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