Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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