let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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