why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize