We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
