I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
