there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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