i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
