i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
