I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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