this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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