Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
