Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
