He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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