shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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